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You want to raise kids who feel confident in their bodies and have a healthy relationship with food. But what happens when you’re still figuring that out yourself?

Maybe your child comes home talking about “good” and “bad” foods or repeats something they heard at school or on TikTok… and your stomach drops. You want to respond in a way that builds confidence, not confusion. But between your own history with dieting and the constant pressure to “get it right,” it can feel impossible to know what to say.

Pediatrician and author Dr. Whitney Casares offers a new approach: one rooted in authenticity, structure, and self-compassion. In this post, we’ll unpack how to talk to kids about food and body image without passing on guilt or shame, even if you’re still working on your own relationship with both.

Why Food Conversations Feel So Confusing

Most of us grew up in the era of Diet Coke, SnackWells cookies, and Jane Fonda. Everything was about watching your weight, counting calories, and labeling foods as “good” or “bad”. We know that approach was damaging, but the pendulum has swung hard in the opposite direction. Now, there's messaging that all foods are equal, nothing should be restricted, and any structure around eating is harmful.

The problem is, both extremes miss the mark.

Dr. Casares points out that while we absolutely shouldn't be telling kids certain foods are "bad," we also can't ignore that some foods are objectively more nutrient-dense than others. That's not a moral judgment, it's basic nutrition.

The challenge is holding two truths at once: kids need exposure to all kinds of foods without shame and gentle guidance toward the ones that actually help them thrive. You’re not a bad parent for wanting both, you’re just navigating territory most of us never learned how to handle.

Structure Without Rigidity

The division of responsibility, developed by feeding expert Ellyn Satter, offers a clear framework that takes the pressure off trying to control every bite your child takes. Instead, it gives both parents and kids clear roles.

Parents are responsible for:

• Providing nutrient-rich meals and snacks at regular intervals (roughly every three hours)
• Deciding what foods are available
• Creating structure around mealtimes

Kids are responsible for:

• Deciding how much they'll eat
• Deciding whether they'll eat at all

This framework takes so much pressure off because you're not trying to control every bite your child takes. You're providing opportunities for them to eat well, then stepping back.

What does this look like in practice? At the grocery store, when your child wants to fill the cart with only Oreos, you can say: “We can definitely get Oreos, but our bodies also need foods that help us think, run, and stay healthy. What else should we grab?”

You're giving them education and some choice, but you're also setting boundaries. 

Teaching Food Literacy at Every Age

One of the most helpful things Dr. Casares shared was thinking about food education in the same way we think about sex education: you don't dump everything on a child at once. You scale the information to their developmental stage.

With toddlers and young kids: Talk about colors, textures, and what different foods do. "Look at this broccoli, it's so green because it has special chemicals in it that help your body. Isn't that cool?"

Around ages 7-8: Kids become little justice warriors at this age. They want things to be fair and right in the world. This is when you can start introducing concepts like food marketing and how companies create foods to have a higher sugar or salt point to make you want more.

By third and fourth grade: Kids are learning about reading food labels in school. This is the time to have more detailed conversations about processing, additives, and how the corporate world works. Not in a scary way, but in an empowering, knowledge-building way.

The key is giving kids the information without attaching morality to it. You're not saying processed foods are evil or that your child is bad for wanting them, you're simply building their literacy so they can eventually make informed choices.

When Your Child Hears Harmful Messages

No matter how careful you are at home, you can’t shield your child from everything. Recently, my six-year-old came home talking about "good foods" and "bad foods" because someone at school used that language. In those moments, your stomach might drop (like mine did), especially if you're still working through your own food baggage.

Dr. Casares's approach is to validate and educate without making it a huge deal every single time. For example, if your child comes home upset because someone called them “fat,” resist rushing to “You’re not fat, you’re beautiful.”

Instead, try:

“I understand why that hurt. Many people feel that way because our culture tells us only small bodies are good. But that’s not true. There’s nothing wrong with your body.”

Validate their feelings, normalize the struggle, and shift the focus from their body to the cultural problem.

Handling Difficult Moments at the Pediatrician's Office

Many pediatricians still practice the weight-focused, BMI-centered approach they were trained in, even though research shows it's often harmful and can lead to eating disorders.

Dr. Casares experienced this firsthand when her own daughter's pediatrician made a comment about fat cells at a two-year checkup. She also had to intervene when her sixth-grader's teacher had the class count the calories they were eating. These moments happen, and they can undo a lot of the positive work you're doing at home.

So what can you do?

Before the appointment:

• Talk to your child about what to expect
• If you're concerned about weight-focused language, you can request that your child not be weighed, or that the number not be discussed in front of them
• Bring a printed guide (Dr. Casares has a free one on her website) that outlines weight-neutral approaches

During the appointment:

• You can speak up in the moment if something feels off
• It's okay to redirect the conversation: "We're focusing on health behaviors and how her body feels, not the number on the scale"
• If your child is on a medication that requires weight monitoring for dosing purposes, that's different. But the conversation can still be clinical rather than judgmental

After the appointment:

• If something happened that didn't sit right, you can send a follow-up email to the provider
• Many physicians genuinely don't realize the impact of their language and are open to feedback
• If a provider continues to use harmful language after you've addressed it, it's okay to find someone else

Most pediatricians want to do better. They just need to know that what they're doing isn't working.

When You Don't Feel Body Confident Yourself

You don’t have to love your body to help your kids respect theirs. In fact, pretending you do can backfire—kids notice when your words don’t match your feelings.

Instead:

• Set family values: “In our house, we don’t make fun of bodies—our own or anyone else’s.”
  
  
• Be honest within reason: “Sometimes I struggle with my body, too. That’s something I’m working on.”
  
  
• Model growth: “It’s okay to have different feelings about your body on different days.”
  

Kids learn self-acceptance by watching how you treat yourself, even when it’s hard.

Whether you’re figuring out intuitive eating, learning to move away from dieting, or even using a GLP-1 medication as part of your own care, you can still raise kids who don’t equate health with size. What matters isn’t what you do; it’s how you talk about it and the compassion you show yourself along the way.

Your kids don't need a perfect parent. They need one who's real, willing to admit mistakes, and committed to doing better.

Want to hear the full conversation Dr. Casares? Listen to the complete episode for more insights on navigating food and body conversations with kids. 

Dr. Whitney Casares' book My One of a Kind Body: The Ultimate Guide to Caring for Me (available October 21st) offers a comprehensive guide for parents and kids. You can also find a free pediatrician visit guide and more resources at modernmommydoc.com, or follow her on Instagram @modernmommydoc.

 

TRANSCRIPT:

Disclaimer: The transcript below is provided for your convenience and may contain typos, errors, or grammatical inconsistencies, as it has not been professionally edited or proofread. Please enjoy it as-is and read at your own discretion.

Please note: The content shared in this podcast and blog post is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider for personalized medical guidance.  

 

 Welcome back to another episode of the podcast. I'm so excited today because we have Dr. Whitney on. I came across her work. This was actually interesting. I always like to give input, As to how people have come into my world. So there's another physician that we have in common, and she is an endocrinologist and she said, you know, Whitney's work is really good.

You need to know what she's doing. You're talking about this side with adults. She does a lot of, , yes, adults but kids. And so she kind of brought me into your world. So I'm wondering if you can start off with just telling everybody. A little bit about yourself and how you help people because you have such amazing resources and things that you've published, and if you could just start out with a little bit of an introduction.

Oh, thanks. Well, I appreciate that. Yeah, so I've always been really interested in the relationship between a mom's wellness and a kid's wellness. And I went to medical school, I went to public health school to try to understand to. Better, that kind of synergistic relationship. And at first, a lot of the work that I was doing was around moms with newborns.

And then I think as my kids got older and I was in the workforce, it became like moms who are working and how do you kind of do that? And then now as my kids have gotten older, a lot of the work that I do is centered around moms and their body confidence issues, and then kids and their body confidence issues.

And how do those two things intersect? And as you know, I mean, gosh, it is like. Such a world that is confusing and challenging for so many people. And so I'm a pediatrician by training, and I have this unique perspective of having patients actually come into my office and having those real raw conversations about what's going on with my own body image and my kids as they come to the office.

People get emotional, like they get very mama bear around this issue with their kids, which makes a ton of sense to me. I do too. And so, I feel like I get a front seat to that every day. And sometimes I've messed that up. Sometimes I've done it beautifully., But I want pediatricians to do it better for our kids.

And I also want parents to be equipped with really evidence-based information as they try to parent their kids in this area and help to try to prevent a lot of the issues that we all have. Yeah,, it's incredible the intersection that you're at because so many of the people that listen to this podcast, they are parents themselves or grandparents, or in some capacity have kids in their life.

And I think we all want to do it differently. . I know I do. Yeah. I don't wanna impart. Whether there's a weight challenge or not, I don't wanna impart those same, thoughts and what I went through on anyone else. But I wanna start here with just kind of the, the food choices and kind of how we can help kids.

Mm-hmm. Because I find it's a, you're darned if you do, and you're darned if you don't. Yes, you wanna give your kid healthy foods, but you also don't wanna restrict all the processed stuff. Where do parents turn and what are some of the things to consider that would lead to some right answers for people?

You have to just remember that things. Go back and forth on a pendulum, as we grew up, things were so steeped in Diet Coke, local Cal, or low fat, depending on the time. You know, the snackwells cookies, Jane Fonda, all of that stuff. And so we were so taught as we were growing up, you gotta watch your weight.

We talked openly about weight, about food choices. This food's bad, this food's good. Then we have shifted as a society and the pendulum has really swung to say, we know that's really terrible for kids, which it totally is. It's terrible for kids. And so I think with Virginia Sol Smith's work, for example, she really in the end was like, it's a free for all.

Let kids eat whatever they want. It's all good. No food is a bad food, which. I agree that like that should be the message to our children that we shouldn't be harping on. This food is good, this food is bad, but I know as a physician there are certain foods that are more nutrient dense than others.

I know that a vegetable is gonna help my kids grow, that their brains are gonna be stronger, their immune system is gonna be stronger, and this food is superior from a nutrient perspective. Yeah. Than a Starburst candy, right? Yeah. Yeah. At the same time, I want my kids to enjoy Starburst candies every once in a while, but gosh, like it would be terrible if they ate only those every day.

Yeah. And so I think that's where the confusion comes from. Is this very binary. This is a good way to do it, or this is a bad way to do it in these extreme versions. So I think if we can just be cognizant of that, it helps us to go, oh yeah, that's why this feels so difficult. Yeah. 'cause this people keep on saying, this is the right way, or this is the right way and probably the right way lies somewhere in the middle.

My version of this, which is really evidence based in a lot of the psychologists that I've talked to and dieticians have agreed with me, is our kids need some structure around food. Just like they need structure around screens. Just like, like they need structure around their friends. They need us to provide them opportunities to eat nutrient dense foods throughout the day, throughout the week.

But they also need us to be not so rigid around all of this. So overbearing that then it becomes another sense of control that they just want to rebel against. Yeah. And that they feel like, oh, it's a forbidden fruit, so I want to eat it a hundred percent. , I want that cake, I want that cookie because you've made this such a big deal, but now I want it, which is what our parents did.

Right. Which is why I eat cake. Like it's going outta style whenever it is presented to me. And , so, , I think the tactic is to say for parents. Okay, we're gonna have a wide variety of foods all the time. I'm gonna teach you what different foods do for you. I'm gonna give you some literacy around nutrient dense foods and around non nutrient dense foods like I want my kids to know.

Certain foods, and I want my patients to know certain foods, are created in a processing plant and they've been created to have a higher sugar point or a higher salt point. And that makes it so you're gonna want more of these foods. , I don't think that's a bad thing for us to talk to with our kids.

Yeah, but at the same time, it would be bad if every single time , my kids ate that food. I was like, oh, see, you're bad. This is like such a bad thing for you to do. Gimme that bag of food. , I'm more into giving my kids the information. Yeah, giving them the structure and then letting them make some choices on their own based off that.

I love everything you're saying. I wanna ask one thing because you're in this all day long and I am not. Yeah. I'm internal medicine 18 and over. Okay. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. At what ages do you talk about these things in different ways? So, for example, like my son is six. And I've been slightly horrified that, , someone at school, I don't know who it is or how it's happening.

Yeah. But they're using language like good food, bad food. Right. And I was like, we're gonna walk that back. I've been taking the approach of , some foods give you lots of energy and you get to be like Superman and , some make you fast. Like Sonic, some make you strong.

Right, right. Some like protein carb in my mind. That's exactly. But is that appropriate at that level? And then when do you start to bring in this, like the, what you're talking about where you're like, Hey, it's like this is made at a factory and this has sugar. 'cause like, I don't know when that point comes.

 

If you have a baby or a toddler, of course you're not gonna be going into the science of everything right from the very beginning, but I think you can even at those ages talk to your kids about, Ooh, look at this pretty color. I love how this broccoli is so green.

You know what? It's so green because it has these little special chemicals in it. Isn't that so cool? And then as your kids get older, this actually has a added color to it. It's not it's natural color. , The people at the factory like added this color to it. That's kind of interesting, right?

Like chemistry. And then as your kids get to be in the third grade, in the fourth grade and they're learning about stuff at school and they're having more health classes. 'cause that's when they really start to have all these classes around . Reading, food labels, all those types of things.

That's when I've started to have more conversations with my kids, especially as they're gravitating towards more processed foods around, oh, so actually here's some information about how marketing works and how companies work. I think about it like sex education for my kids. Yeah. You know, like in the beginning you don't get all up in it.

You talk about these are boobs and this is a penis. But you don't go like, and then here's how you have sex, you know? But then as your kids get to third grade, fourth grade,, they ask questions and you go, oh yeah. You know, this is how people make a baby. And then as your kids get to 12 years old, you talk about pornography.

You go step by step. That's how I think about it. And that's why I want parents to think about it for their kids, is that. Having conversations around superpower foods, around nutrient dense foods, around foods that just taste good. That can happen as early as possible.

Exposure to food can happen as early as possible. And then really getting into the nitty gritty of like how the corporate world works and marketing and all that. I do that once kids start to become justice warriors themselves, which usually is around. Seven to eight years old, that's when that skill comes in where they're already starting to question things and want things to be right in the world.

Yeah. That's why I bring in all this stuff. Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. The way that you said that. It's interesting when you compare it to education in other senses. I'm like, this is really important. Yeah. You know what I mean? No, I'm always shocked. I mean,, even that , my son will come home talking about calories or then I'll hear my stepson in high school talking about, , bulking up in protein drinks.

And I'm just like, wow. , I guess in my mind I know that this stuff is happening, but then when I see it in front of me, , it's a whole nother world. I guess I just don't realize it's happening, you know? It's heartbreaking, you know, I think, , that's the other reason why you wanna give your kids this information.

Sooner versus later. Because you want kids to tell you about it when it happens? Yes. So you can catch it. I mean, I'm not at school with my kids. I, I didn't read the curriculum. I don't know exactly what they're saying to 'em about this stuff. I had, a teacher for my oldest daughter who was in sixth grade last year, and they literally had them counting the calories they were eating in sixth grade, and I set up a meeting with the teacher.

It was like. Can you walk me through what your intention was on this or where you got this information? Oh, it's the information from the district and this is how they taught us. I'm like, absolutely not. Yeah. Not on my watch, you know? But that was great 'cause my kids came to me and said, Hey, you talk about it in this way.

You've said Cal counting is like a bad thing. So now this person is doing something that seems like it's against our family values. Yeah. Yeah. What should I do? Have a framework. Yeah. Yes. , You mentioned, you said how kids do best with structure. A hundred percent. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, I feel like no matter what the age of kids, they're pushing back.

Right? Yeah. And so how do you continue to provide that structure, I think it's really hard for people to know sort of what the middle ground is, and so how do you help parents to decide on that? Yeah, absolutely. There is, , this concept called the division of responsibility. Ellen Satter is the person who developed it, and she talks about the idea of parents are in charge of providing nutrient rich meals and foods at regular intervals.

Kids are responsible for deciding how much of it they will eat and if they will eat it at all. Yeah. And so to me that means for an elementary school kid, toddler kid, and above that every three hours I'm providing an opportunity for my kids to have those foods. Yeah. . It also means that I am saying to my kids at the grocery store when they want to fill our cart full of only Oreos, which just happens.

Totally. I'm a Ty kid, you know, and so I go, okay, we can absolutely get Oreos, but we need to think about what the other things are that our body needs. Our body needs fun foods. Our body also needs some foods that will make sure it helps protect us from infection. We need foods that are gonna feed our brain and help us to focus and to study and to pay attention at soccer.

Yeah. So what other foods are we gonna make sure that we get? Or even just looking at the cart, , when my daughter comes and says I, I say, Hey, okay, we have a lot of carbohydrates. That's great. That's quick energy. We haven't put a lot of fat or a lot of protein. So what fats or proteins do you wanna get?

She gets the choice of what things she wants to put in there and to think about it and to understand what is a protein. But I am kind of guiding that we don't have only sugar cereals in our heart. I think these examples are really helpful. It's, I'm laughing when you were saying no, you know, this happens with the cookies.

I'm like, I know. So the other day my husband was at the store and they were , gonna get one thing of like vanilla frosting for I don't know what my son wanted to put it on. Yeah. And I guess he wanted to put six in the cart and it was like, no, we're not gonna, we're, we're not bringing home six vanilla frosting.

So, yeah. It's just funny. But I like this perspective of , okay, so correct me if I'm wrong, so you provided. You make it available, but it's up to them how much they eat or if they eat it. And I think it's frustrating 'cause sometimes I know, for me personally, I'll be cutting the apple and doing these things and then when it's not used, you're like, ugh.

You know, you feel like it's like wasted or something maybe that's just me, but, so I've had to kind of overcome that. It's not that it gets finished. 'cause I think that was something I grew up with, right. , And just overcoming like, no, it's that I'm offering it and then more times than not, he'll have some of it, .

But it's like, yeah. The option, yeah. Offering it matters. Having it just be exposed to your kid, that counts. If we're at a restaurant and I am ordering. I don't always order this, but just for sake of example, salmon and some rice and a salad, right? And my kid orders the chicken nuggets at the restaurant that's not a big deal to me like that is.

I'm providing some exposure in that meal. Yeah. They get to choose what they want. That's on the menu at the restaurant. So if I choose to go to a restaurant that has that, I'm not gonna police my kid and go, no, you can't get chicken nuggets. Yeah. Now, if they said, I want the coke and the chicken nuggets and I want this slice of cake on the menu and I want the fries, I'd be like, okay buddy.

I think we've had enough food in this one fried category. Yeah. Now let's move on to something else in addition. But I really like how you bring up, like even you ordering that as an exposure to them. Yes. And I like that. 'cause we're not dictating what they're gonna do, but, we are influencing in the long term their response.

'cause I do know growing up, having seen my mom have cucumbers with breakfast and stuff like that, it does imprint on you. . And it doesn't mean that you had to be actively having it at that moment. One thing that really, , is so hard for the people that are in my world is that they worry about their children having weight concerns.

They want to either help them lose weight or worry that they're not doing enough, or there's just this turmoil. What do you offer to those parents? Yeah, so. I think the first thing is to give yourself some compassion, to, whenever you can. And sometimes we can't be fully conscious of this, but to try your hardest when you ca when you, when you notice yourself, you know, to pause and give yourself some self-compassion.

I'm sure you've talked about Kristen Neff's work. She talks about this idea of. Naming the emotion that you're feeling. I'm scared my child will become overweight. . I feel guilty that maybe I am overweight and so now my child will be overweight too. And then validating that emotion. That makes sense because of the world I grew up in because of the diet culture stuff that makes sense because of genetic imprinting and what happens.

That makes sense. Because of maybe the food choices I make, you know? And then. Making sure that you kind of stop and pause and say there's some common humanity here. I bet I'm not the only one that feels this way. There's a generation of people that feel this way no matter what size they are. They feel exactly that way.

Yeah,, I like that you bring that up because I think everyone thinks like, I'm the only one scared about this, or I'm the only one kind of on tippy toes about it. And it's like, no, every single patient that has children, or again, anyone in their life that they're worried about, they're talking to me about it.

So it's everyone, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. It's everyone. And then what happens is when you do that, it gives you the second. The 20 seconds to pause and respond to whatever's happening versus just react out of either old programming or in backlash. Like before I learned about mindful self-compassion, when I would find myself going like, gosh, I don't want my kids to, be overweight like I've been, okay, what am I gonna do? And then I would go like, okay, you know what, they can just have the cookies. They can have whatever they want. I'm actually gonna purposely buy the donuts because, this is so stupid. I hate this, I hate I lived with this. I want them to have it.

Well, that's probably not like the reaction that's gonna be helpful for them every time. Maybe it's like, yeah, I was too rigid. I want them to loosen up. But, but sometimes, the response that would be the most helpful for them is like, okay. I have this initial feeling of I wanna rebel against all of this diet culture stuff, so I'm gonna eat however much I can.

Maybe the response is, okay, we're gonna buy a cookie and share it, or I'm gonna eat the cookie right now so that way they can see me enjoying this thing that feels like I'm not supposed to have it anymore, whatever it is. I think whenever you can have that pause and you can respond. Makes it so you're probably gonna make a healthier decision for you.

And I don't mean healthy like food decision, I mean healthier, like brain decision. Yeah, yeah. Mind decision for you and your family. What you bring up as something that I always think about, which is like when we're stuck in patterns with things, which I think diet culture is a pattern, ? You just keep doing the same BS thinking all day long and it's like.

What you're talking about, where you're the pause, the compassion, it's like you have to slow that movie way down. You cannot think when stuff's going a hundred miles an hour, and so I just wanna let everybody out here. You've been saying a bunch of amazing things, and I think to myself, gosh, it's really hard for even me to implement some of this, right?

Yeah. , I think about all day long, I'm toiling over. Are we making, not like all the time, but , are we making the right decisions? Yeah. And you're right. I sometimes just need to sit there and be like, we've had some great food earlier today. We'll have whatever later. This does not matter.

And I think that, that we, we need time for that and that takes practice and, I don't know, do you? Yeah. When the parents or people that you're seeing in your world, what do they find easiest for? Like how to implement that? Because I just think it's really hard to pause.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, what I wanted to say also is I'm not perfect at that. Like sometimes the compassion I need to have is for the fact I didn't have compassion for myself. You know what I mean? Like later to go, oh shoot, I didn't pause. All right. Well gosh, that's 'cause I'm used to being in this pattern.

Makes sense. You know, so I think that's probably step one to learn how to do it is like to give yourself compassion for the fact you didn't do the thing that you were like quote unquote supposed to do. Right. , To be healthier for yourself. The second is to like celebrate the really small win. Okay, I did this once this week.

That's a win. That's such a win. Like I like bringing that up. I'm breaking patterns. Yeah. I'm breaking patterns by doing it one time this week. Okay. Wow. I did it again. Okay, cool. , , the 1% that you change things that makes a difference for you and for your kids. I think the other thing is, however often you can.

Owning that type of stuff, or like being on a spot, that type of stuff with your kids too. I had, a situation with my daughter where I wanted her to walk the dog and I go, listen, you're not be able to, we we're gonna go for ice cream, but you're not gonna go for ice cream until you walk the dog.

And she goes,, what does walking the dog have to do with ice cream? Oh shit. Like, like, don't question me. Yeah. You know, and then I had to go. You're absolutely right. That is about like weirdo things I have about foods being rewards. I'm sorry. You know, however often you can do that too. I think lightens the mood makes it like this isn't so heavy, no pun intended all the time.

It's just makes it like, yeah, we're all human. Good. Good catch. Yes. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So I think that's how you learn. I think that's how you practice is by like trying to not make it so serious every single time. Giving your kids permission to be in on all of it. I think that's part of this, so that way you don't feel like this is so like, oh, if I don't do it right then I'm gonna mess my kids up.

My kids know that I had diet culture growing up. They know that's part of why I wanna teach 'em about all this stuff. So that when I, when I mess it up, they can help me and I can help them, and we're all kind of working toward it together in small baby steps. Yeah,, I would like to think that things are changing for the next generation because I think they're, they're getting.

At least in my house, they're getting education on things that I don't remember being taught about protein effects in our body. Right. No, and no. Even at, this is like an older teenager conversation if you guys are, we were listening, but I don't, yeah, I think, it was very different. It was just the size has to be smaller, nothing.

I mean, again, like my parents were physicians and they met well, but it wasn. Health improves, or at least in my mind it didn't equate, let me put it that way. No, for me it did not equate. And so I'm thinking that that next generation's, getting that message, one thing that is really front and center in my mind is that a lot of my patients are on GLP ones or Yeah.

You know, slash g. Yeah. And they're having amazing health and they're changing their relationships, all these kind of things, but there's so much shame out there. And, you know, I think a good example of this would probably be the, the Serena Williams example here recently. Mm-hmm. If anyone, again, if you haven't heard the example, she,, came out as being on a GLP one.

Medication has gotten a lot of help from it is now representing, , a company out there. But what are your thoughts on this whole situation? Yeah. , Okay. First and foremost, I wanna take out the, this idea of like, people are mad that she was being paid to promote it. I'm like, people, hello. She's a celebrity.

People do endorsements. All the time. Who cares? Like I said, the same thing. I was like, leave that out of it. Like let's talk about now the other good stuff with it. Yeah, exactly. Like whatever. Okay, so I read this whole article in Vogue that was talking about, because I went down the rabbit hole of it. I was very interested in it.

That was talking about how, yeah, the reason that I'm coming out about this, and I'm talking about it, is I want other moms who have struggled to not feel the same shame that I did around these medications. And then she got so much. Backlash for taking the medication. I believe that the more stigma we put around these medications for anyone taking them, the more we're putting people in just a different type of box.

We're putting them in a different type of prison. Same thing. Same thing. Different flavor. Yeah, same thing. Different flavor as diet culture. Oh, the way you have to lose weight, the way you have to be, you know, a certain size is by only diet and exercise, then you've been , good enough to do it. Right.

No one would've shamed her if she just lost, if she had lost some weight from exercising the heck out herself. You know what I mean? Right. Which obviously wasn't gonna work for her because of what was happening with her metabolism and what food noise. Yeah. I equate it also to mental health medications because I think for a lot of us, I take a GLP one.

I think for a lot of us, these are mental health medications. Like the answer to your real, to, to your question before about like how do you help yourself practice doing this? I help myself practice doing it by taking a medication that makes it so I'm not. Constantly thinking about food. Wow. And making choices that are not rooted in mental health.

That's a, a good place. Yeah. So, I think, you know, if someone at this point came up to me and was like, oh, you're taking such a shortcut by taking an SSRI for your anxiety, I'd be like, step off. What is this? 1982. Yeah. Get outta here. People are allowed to take antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications.

Yeah. So I think that's where we will be with these medications in another 10, 20 years. It's just that those of us and the, those people who are listening right now who are taking these medications, you're kind of like the early adopter. And so you're getting a lot of flack around this. I also think, and I know people don't wanna talk about this, but I think it's true, I think that there are some people that skinny is the only thing they have.

Yes. Oh, it's thin privilege. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. And so they're like, what? You're gonna be thin now? No, no, no, no. I killed myself for this. I restricted and I punished myself and I exercised for eight hours a day and Right. They see it like a virtue. Yeah. And they never even had the things to overcome anyway.

Like they didn't, no, they don't have the drama with food and all the things. Yeah. You know, so I think there's part of that too. I think Serena Williams is a boss, obviously. She is the most dedicated, disciplined person on the earth, I think she's a great example of how just because you're disciplined, quote unquote, just because you're exercising all the time doesn't mean that your body's metabolism is gonna do the thing that would help support you the most.

Yeah. We need tools. I can't remember what article I was reading that she was exercising five hours a day and I was thinking, yeah, if that's not gonna cut it, I don't think anything else will, you know, like, no. And like, think about your relationship with your, I mean, I don't know her relationship with her kids, but think about your relationship with your kids, with your businesses, with your sleep, with whatever.

What things are you sacrificing Yeah. To have to do that. I think that for a lot of people, GLP medications give them their life back. Of course it changes things in terms of your metabolism, whatnot. But I think from a mental health perspective, it allows you to go, oh, I now am gonna focus on my work, my book that I wanna write.

I'm now gonna focus on spending time with my kids, not thinking about food. , To me, that's the real gift of these medications for a lot of people. Yeah, I really agree with you. You get to, you get to actually move on with life mm-hmm. . Tell me about, I think one of the things that this past year, again, just in the physician community that I've really seen is within the pediatric space, they've really sort of come out with a lot of new guidelines as far as, yeah, use medication, don't use medication.

But I think a lot of that got really misunderstood. And then BMI got into it. And so can you just kind of tell us like where are things right now and sort of what's the landscape? Yeah, absolutely. So. Forever. Physicians were taught that BMI was. An amazing measure of health and the BMI should be the thing we're looking at, and that we should really be focused on weight and on BMI for kids and for adults, but for kids especially.

, And so the American Academy of Pediatrics, a lot of stuff that they put out for a long time was BMI and was weight focused. That was absolutely the way that I was trained. I was trained to talk openly about weight and BMI with kids, and with adults. The research shows that is not helpful. In fact, it's harmful for kids and often leads to eating disorder.

So not a great thing to be doing. And also even for the kids who are overweight, like it doesn't help them to lose weight. , Sometimes that backfires. It makes it so that people gain even more weight. Yeah. That's kind of the, the like old historical landscape. The American Academy of Pediatrics, a a year ago or so, put out guidelines for pediatricians saying, Hey, we have more and more kids who are getting overweight.

We are concerned about them. We want people to be really intentional about trying to catch things early and trying to get people to specialists and try to put people on medication if it is appropriate. You have to remember that the guidelines are two things. One, they're meant for physician. They're not meant for the general public.

They're supposed to be like trying to help physicians as they're practicing medicine. Yeah. They also are not a guideline of how to talk to patients. They are a guideline of like how to move things along. About like referrals or labs or things like that. Yes. Yeah. I don't think people are understanding a lot of this.

Yeah. Right, exactly. I think like those are, those are two things that were very misunderstood about these guidelines that like they weren't meant for the general public, they were meant for physicians. , And also there are a way that you get funding and resources. Around specialists and around referral sources.

Mm-hmm. So for example, for pediatricians to be able to send people to more obesity medicine specialists for kids, or for us to be able to say, Hey, we need to provide more funding for there to be more obesity medicine specialists for kids. That's part of what these guidelines are about.. I would say though, from the American Academy of Pediatrics, in fact, all of the things they're putting out that are patient facing and that are about how we should be talking to kids in the pediatrician office are.

We shouldn't be talking about weight, we shouldn't be talking about BMI. We are very much in the thought process of , yes, we should be helping kids from their like hearts to be healthy, their blood pressure, their cholesterol, their livers, all of these things. But yes, we're taking in the research and we should be very much.

Talking about healthy activity and lifestyle. I know of course we don't want every single kid on a GLP one medication. We want only the kids who are seeing the specialists who really need it to be on these medications. So I think it got misconstrued, but hey, it's an opportunity to say, okay, well what should it look like?

Pediatrician office. I like that you bring this up because I saw this online. I was like, the, pediatricians where I was like, yes, to what they were saying. They were like, this is what you could advocate for. This is what you look out if they're talking about this, the doctor. And it's like, that part I find is really helpful instead of just, it's good, it's bad.

I'm mad I'm not. But how can we move forward now? So, sorry, I didn't mean to, kind of stop you on that. No, I think you're a hundred percent right. I saw a bunch of articles that are like, you know, pediatricians are body shaming kids. I think, you know, pediatricians have never wanted to body shame kids.

Have we done it in the past when the whole world was too focused on BMI and on weight? 100%. I remember a patient, I call her Layla, that's not her real name, don't worry. But early on in my career. 100% gave her like a spreadsheet of here's the calories in and the calories out, and here's your calorie counting thing and you need to lose weight.

And I thought it was being so helpful. And this mom pulled me aside in the hall and was like, what are you doing? when you have kids, You'll understand. And Oh,my god yeah. I count that as the worst mistake I have ever made in my medical career. And I've done other things. Like every position is where like, I haven't ordered a lab when I was supposed to, or gotten the x-ray for a broken arm when I was, I mean, but that, I mean, I wanna cry too.

I feel like, I probably damaged that kid for life. You know what I mean? No, we've all had this though., I had this as well. Yeah. Where it was like before I had more training in obesity medicine. I was like, there's only phentermine or there's only, I just didn't have the additional tools. And then I didn't know when they'd be like, I'm literally doing all this and it's not working.

I'm thinking, well, are you really measuring it? Are you right? , So much distrust, I even knew this for myself, , talk about this internalized aspect. . And, it's like unless we learn more and we. Go to conferences and we hear different perspectives and we have to change over time.

So I like that you bring this up because it's like, it's actually, if someone isn't willing to say that they screwed up at some point, they're probably not being honest. I agree. I mean, I think. With my own kids. I remember their pediatrician at two years old. My daughter, had gone up a little bit on percentiles and she goes, you know, fat gets stored in the, fat cells.

The fat cells. Remember starting at two years old, I'm like, oh my God. Oh my God. Like what? I'm really,, that's the heart of my mission. It's twofold. I mean, I wanna help. Families. I wanna help parents to create a healthier relationship with food for themselves in, in order to create a healthy relationship for their kids and to teach their kids wealth and help their kids feel body confident even when they don't feel body confident.

But I also am so. Calmed in on my fellow pediatricians and on doing this better because I know it doesn't come from a place of malice or wanting to body shame, but man, have we screwed up? And man, do we need to do better and our patients deserve better? So, , my books, all the things that I'm working on now are really about,, providing resources pediatricians can give to.

Patients, equipping parents with like, Hey, here's a guide for like ways you can talk to your pediatrician before you ever go into the office. If you're afraid they're gonna say something. Yeah, here's what you could say afterward, if someone screws it up, and here's permission that if your pediatrician continues to be just stuck on this.

, Go find somebody else. Yeah. Because a lot of us are trying to do it better. What's the name of your book with that specifically? Yeah, yeah. The kid aspect. Yeah. Like all parents need this book. Yeah, yeah, exactly. , The book is called My One of a Kind Body, the Ultimate Guide to Caring for Me.

, It has in the back questions kids ask me as a pediatrician and things I say back. And the secret sauce of this is,, that's supposed to be like, hint, hint from my fellow pediatricians. And also hint, hint for parent. If your kids ask you these questions, this is what you could say back.

So that's my favorite part of the entire book. And then on my,, website and on my social media, I have a free download that you can just get, it's a PDF that has the pediatrician visit. How do we make this less weight-based? BMI based? How do we make it more about health and nutrition and what are the things?

And you can print it out. You could bring it, you could say like, Hey, a pediatrician who is a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics said, this is the way we're supposed to do it, you know? And. Hopefully that will give you some legs to stand on. And then we're giving this, I'm about to go to the conference,, for the American Academy of Pediatrics.

We're gonna be giving 20,000 copies of this book, yay to pediatricians for free. So then they will have this in their offices and hopefully start to use this as the way that they talk to patients. , This is so incredible because , my adult patients, they struggle with this when they go to primary care anywhere.. And you can't kind of throw every single doctor out with a bath water if you don't like it, yeah. I like how you're like, you could do this. If they say these things, you could address it with them in this way. Because I do think that part of the therapeutic relationship is that you need to bring something up to me, even if you're like, Ooh, is this so uncomfortable?

I can't believe I'm gonna have to , tell her this or give her this feedback. I run programs. I'll get emails every so often with feedback and they're actually really good ideas. I'm like, great, like we just implemented something today in my 30 30 program. , It will make it better.

It doesn't matter that we're weak or two in, we're gonna change it. And, it's hard to get the emails 'cause you're like, oh my God, I'm trying so hard. Or you know, in the office you're like, yeah, I'm already giving everything but something like this. I think it's good. To be able to read some of those different, I mean, gosh, the scripting with conversations is so helpful, and I think that's what I'm always looking to you as a pediatricians for.

I'm like, tell me the words, like, tell me what to say. Yes. Well, especially if you have anxiety around this or you have a lot of baggage around it for yourself, , you need a script. You don't maybe have to say those exact words. Right. But you need something to like, okay, you're in the doctor's office, like looking at it right before you walk in.

Like, okay, okay, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm gonna say if something goes awry., I also just wanted to give people space. I have a really hard time in the moment when I'm with a provider, I think I have authority, have some authority issue thing where , I feel like I can't speak up. I, you all have this, I know I'm mute in the doctor's office, right.

You know, so like, I just wanna give you space. If you're the type of person who's like, I would never speak up in a doctor's office, that's totally fine. Send the email after, send the thing. I'm that way. I mean, I just had a thing with my child's, psychiatrist and she knows this, so this isn't like.

Secret information where my husband and I had this appointment and it went really off the rails with this gal, and she meant so well. But I had to circle back after and go, you know, I wanted to cut you off. I wanted to say, nevermind, we're not coming to you anymore. But then I felt like I should just tell you how it felt and then I allowed her to say, I'm sorry.

Yeah. And of course if she hadn't taken ownership for it, that would've been a totally different, it's different. It's different. Yeah. Feedback is a two-way street, but yeah. But yeah, we're all humans, right? And we're all trying to learn. So yeah, I wanna just give people permission, like if you are the person who's scared to speak up at the office, same.

Same. Yeah. You can say that. It's a freeze response. Like, I think it's a nervous system thing. That's why I think it's helpful to read stuff ahead of time and almost like play through scenarios. I'll run through with my patients. Like you can say, Hey, I've actually been weighing myself weekly at home.

Here's the data. I don't need to hop on today. I understand you might need it if I'm on a medication that might be affecting kidney, liver, lung, . , You need to renally dose something. But, these are actually accurate. I've, I verified this once before.

Yeah. Where I got on here, I got on at home. We made sure there was not more than two, three pounds difference. Again, that's like one way of doing it. Right. , But it's like, they need the permission. 'cause I think we're just so shut down. Like you said, when someone's in a position of office, it's really powerful when someone's in a role over you, kind of how that dynamic goes down.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. , And there's old school positions that are still out there, so we had to help them, you know?, I always think about it like, okay, I'm helping someone to move along in a different direction, , but,, I would say most of my peers,, I'm 40, almost 45. Everyone who I think is about my age and younger, we are all, which is the majority of pediatricians right now.

Almost all of us want it to be better and are trying to move in the direction of being as supportive as possible. We're on your team. We wanna be team members with you. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. I know we've talked about a lot today.

Do you think there's anything that we didn't talk about that you're like, everyone needs to hear about this. , Is there any point that we just didn't address? I think the big thing is the body positivity. How do I teach my kids body positivity or body confidence when I still feel unconfident myself?

Yeah. To me, it feels inauthentic with my kids. Yeah. To constantly be like, love your body. Your body's so amazing. Oh my gosh, bodies are so great. Like, oh, don't you feel you look so great? That body, when I am looking at the mirror going like, I hate that role, or I that tell you later, whatever, even though I don't wanna be doing that, that is again, like the pattern that you play in your head and we're all, most people you know, are working with a therapist.

They're on the medications. Trying to continue to read and to learn and to think about why that happens. But those thoughts still pop into your head. , I think the other big point that I wanna make is you do not have to be fully body confident or be fully like fake with your kids to teach them body confidence.

Hmm. I think our kids are smart and that as long as you are teaching them, these are the values in our house. That I want us to have, and I'm trying my best to do it this way with you. Yeah. These are the like, we're not gonna call each other fat as a joke. We're not gonna say , you're a biggie in our house, which is what my kids love to say.

That's like the new thing, I think from TikTok or something. Yeah, like the big back. These horrible sayings take off. Oh, a big back. Yes . I hate that they're, this is the big back meal. I'm like, stop this. Yeah, I know. Again , same flavor SL and other like horrible. Yep.

Exactly. So we think like you do that, you lay like the ground rules, but then I think when my kid comes home and is like. So-and-so called me fat at school, and I felt really bad about it, and I wanna be like, oh no, you're not fat, you're beautiful. Just the way you're, mm-hmm. , I give that message, but then I also wanna give the message of, okay, well how'd that make you feel?

Well, I understand. 'cause I feel that way too when people say that. , My oldest is in a bigger body, , I wanna say her . Of course, you are gonna feel people feel worse about their bodies when they're in a bigger body in this world, because we're all conditioned to think that only small bodies are good.

So that makes sense. Or to let my kid in on the secret of, yeah, every once in a while I don't feel great about my body either. It's something I'm always working on and it's not because I'm not good in my body, it's because of all the messages that are out there in the world. Yeah. . So I guess that's the other point that I wanna make to people is like, you know, your own kid, you know their neuro-developmental stance.

Just like you wouldn't go through with them every single thing that you're learning in therapy. I would tell my kids I'm on an anti-anxiety medication. That's okay. They can know that we all have our own mental health things that we deal with, our own body, things we deal with, and that we can kind of be in this fight together and that they don't carry the weight of it on their shoulders. We'll be there with them. We're walking this with them. Yeah. It's kinda like validating all of it, yeah. 'cause I don't like when it's like you have to love yourself. It's like, well maybe you won't, but can we get to neutrality? . So I love how you bring up, right. I was gonna say like, gimme an example of the values of like, okay, that, so we're not gonna like say, you know, horrible terms, because I think., When it comes to more things like neutrality, potentially you can get there,? Yeah. Like you don't have to love it, but you also don't have to say a hate comment toward it. Can it just be, you can have a feeling about it. But yeah, I'm glad that you brought this up because I know this was a big thing that we had talked to offline before that I forgot to bring it up, so I'm so glad 'cause . It's such a divisive thing out there with either you like do nothing or like you love your body as it is and you never try anything or you do all the things. You're restrictive and that's the only thing. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa there's health, there's what's possible for your genetics and body and soul life and all of it

it's just like it has to come together. Yeah, absolutely. I'm a big yes and person, I think nuance and gray area , and yes, I can feel bad about my body at one point and love my body some days and feel amazing and like rock a dress and feel like, damn, I look sexy today like that. That's all part of the human experience.

Yeah. Just like, it's like sometimes I feel depressed and sometimes I feel really joyful, like it's all part of it. So I think letting our kids in on like, it's all right to be human basically. Yeah., Is really important for them. So that way they don't feel like they have to measure up in some other way that they can't meet.

I think the emotional education happening today is much different than in the past. Like I never remember learning about emotions or anything. No. And nowadays they're coming home and the things they're telling me, oh, that's so cool that you learned that in school. Right? Yeah. Like all details out there, you're doing awesome things.

. I don't think that was part of the, like the kind of what was being taught before. Yeah, exactly. I, I think the emotional education, the social emotional education that our kids are getting today. That is teaching them that nuance. It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to feel angry, that the more you validate it, the more then you can move on from it.

You gotta accept your emotion, go through the emotion to get through it. Yeah. And to get over it. And I think the same thing happens with ourselves and with our kids around body image stuff, right? Yeah. Like you can't just gloss it over. Like, just kidding. I feel amazing. Just kidding. You should feel amazing.

Like, yeah, let's go through it. I think that's a great example, like a great analogy and probably that's the next place to go, is giving our kids a lot of this type of education too. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for coming on today. Where can they find you, both, your website, online?

Just kind of, tell us everything. Yes, of course. So the book comes out October 21st., If you go right now to pre-order it from my website, which is modern mommy doc.com, then you get a whole freebie audio visual thing that I did. It's videos of me talking to parents about how can they come alongside their kids as they're trying to give this kid the book and get them , the information.

And then on Instagram, I am at Modern Mommy Doc and I try to keep it. So light and fun, and then like, hold on, pay attention. You know what I mean? So, yeah. This one's serious. Yes, exactly. People come for the memes and stay for the use. I, I still seen. So,, that's my vibe 100%. And, yeah, and then the book, will be available wherever books are sold.

I feel like Amazon's the easiest, but wherever books are sold. I love that. Well, thank you so much. We'll make sure that everybody who's listening, we're gonna make sure to link everything in the show notes. So if you go to tia clinic.com/blog, we will have the links to all of this in case you didn't have a chance to write it down.

Just thank you again so much for coming on. I know that everyone's gonna have learned, , some strategies, how to think differently and how to slowly start to work on this. Absolutely. It's my pleasure.